Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss says great negotiation isn’t about dominating but listening. In this episode, he breaks down how to get people to say “no” (and mean yes), why “compromise” is usually a trap, and how the best negotiators use empathy like a weapon. If you’ve ever walked out of a deal thinking you left something on the table, this one’s for you.
Listen on Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Spotify | Transcript
Here are a few highlights from our conversation:
- Mastering delivery with tone and inflection
- “Your success rate in anything is higher as soon you forget about failing and focus on learning.”
- The main problems with traditional negotiation techniques (BATNA, etc.) and how they’re leaving lots on the table
- The “negotiation one-sheet” Chris uses before entering into any negotiation (and how you can use it, too)
- How mirroring helps extract vital information and puts your counterpart at ease
- How labeling emotions can help you amplify the positive and neutralize the negative
- Maximize employee satisfaction in the hiring process to get the best talent… and keep them!
- How empathy saves time and makes you more likely to get what you want in a negotiation
- How to create the illusion the other person is in control
- How intentionally getting the other party to say “no” substantially increases the success rate of a negotiation
And so much more.
Timestamps
- 2:25 Becoming a hostage negotiator
- 4:34 Forget about failing and focus on learning
- 5:58 First performance review
- 7:30 Let the other side go first
- 9:47 Ego
- 10:40 Calming yourself down
- 11:48 The three voices
- 14:29 How to prepare for a negotiation
- 16:37 The problem with Getting to Yes
- 17:52 Why BATNA falls short
- 20:16 Bad recommendations that are common
- 22:56 The Negotiation One Sheet
- 30:11 Calibrated questions and unlocking the truth
- 32:08 Why fear drives most behavior
- 35:16 How to get someone to take a risk on you
- 37:00 Money and Black Swans
- 41:00 Getting people to want to help you
- 44:17 Learning to proactively listen
- 46:45 Driven by loss
- 47:43 Strategic deference
- 50:40 Fight, Flight, or Make Friends
- 53:50 Negotiation with Kids
- 59:01 Negotiation with your Partner
- 1:00:35 Why you should never compromise
- 1:03:04 Finding new insights
- 1:07:40 Where is the other side coming from
- 1:10:13 Determining if you can trust someone
