Your partner, boss, best friend, neighbor, and even that stranger at the coffee shop all have seemingly imperceptible behaviors that signal what they might really be thinking at any moment. Imagine if you could read those? That’s what Blake Eastman has spent his entire life doing, and in this conversation, he shares everything he knows.
Eastman dives deep into several subjects around how we communicate with one another, including the ability to read nonverbal cues, his thoughts on big talkers vs. silent types, how we can communicate with our partners without complaining, the value of watching ourselves communicate on video, and more. Eastman also tells a crazy story about a time when he knew someone was cheating on their partner by recognizing two simple tells that give it away, and Shane shares the secret he learned from his uncle that predicts divorce every time.
Available now: YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Transcript
In 2009, Eastman founded The Nonverbal Group, a New York City behavioral research and education company that conducts large-scale studies on human behavior and uses various technologies to systematically deconstruct and improve human communication. He has also served as an adjunct psychology professor at the City University of New York for six years, teaching General Psychology, Developmental Psychology, and Group Dynamics. He is a former professional poker player and founded School of Cards, the first brick-and-mortar poker school in New York City.
Here are a few highlights from the episode:
Most people don’t know how they’re coming up with these perceptions of people; they don’t really understand the origins of it.
People don’t understand. You see somebody commit a horrible crime and they do something horrible, but that person has a story, and if you were to touch that person and see every step of that story, most people would be like, “I’d probably commit that crime too.”
This is the problem with relationships: everybody has a different version of what a relationship is.
I’m always asked, “How did my presentation go?” I go, “I don’t know; let’s see the audience.”
That’s the new expert: one person that’s not just “I have all the answers and trust me and I’m right,” but one person that’s able to have humility and adapt over time.
The best date is the one that was a little bit more awkward, a little bit weird, but it had more depth to it. And those people connected at a much deeper level.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro
00:47 – How to improve your ability to read non-verbal cues
04:29 – How does trust correlate with non-verbal cues?
07:30 – How to change other people’s perceptions of you
08:55 – Eastman’s forensic experiences
11:30 – How to evaluate the level of danger from someone’s non-verbal cues
15:20 – How Eastman knew someone was cheating on their partner
18:35 – How to recognize danger in someone’s relationship complaints
21:44 – Practical ways to improve your communication skills
27:55 – How to understand power structure and social dynamics at work
37:24 – How to improve your non-verbal communication at work
44:11 – How to improve your environment to improve your behavior
45:00 – How Bill Clinton makes others feel like the most important person in the world (and how you can too)
48:30 – How to recognize people who are deceitful
56:09 – On the infallibility to permanent video
57:18 – Eastman’s tips on using non-verbal cues for better dates
01:03:02 – How non-verbal cues vary across cultures
01:07:28 – The Rockefeller Method and lessons from ‘Titan’
01:11:16 – Eastman’s routine for reading, taking notes, and using AI to learn
01:16:52 – Eastman’s unique uses for AI and ChatGPT
01:22:30 – Why Eastman uses coaches, and what makes a good vs. a great coach
01:25:08 – Eastman’s most pivotal life change, and why it happened
01:29:55 – Eastman gives tips to Shane for asking better questions
01:31:50 – The power of writing and thinking
01:36:32 – Eastman’s definition of success
