• Skip to main content
  • Skip to header right navigation
  • Skip to site footer
Farnam Street Logo

Farnam Street

Mastering the best of what other people have already figured out

  • Newsletter
  • Books
  • Podcast
  • Articles
  • Log In
  • Become a Member
TweetEmailLinkedInPrint
Productivity|Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Focus to Say No

The difference between average and exceptional results is found in the things you don’t do.

Everyone can say yes to great opportunities, but only someone focused will say no to average opportunities.

You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

The Hidden Cost of Yes

Why do we say yes to things in the first place?

We often say yes for the wrong reasons: to avoid hurting feelings, to be polite, out of obligation, or because we should.

All the energy that goes into these things comes at the expense of doing things that move us closer to our goals. Saying yes to meeting someone for coffee and gossip means you’re not doing things that move you closer to your objectives.

Every yes is an obligation that makes us busy but doesn’t necessarily make us productive. Busy and productive are not the same things.

When dealing with anyone other than friends or family, saying yes should ultimately lead to results.

The Three Costs of “Yes”

Every “yes” has at least three costs: the direct and visible costs, the indirect and invisible costs, and the opportunity cost. Consider saying yes to a casual coffee during the workday. The direct and visible cost is the 30 minutes you take to walk there, chat with your colleague, and walk back. The indirect and invisible cost is the inevitable follow-up coffee or passing along a link to that new restaurant you tried or the recipe you made on the weekend. And then there is the cost of what you could be doing instead of the coffee.

Exceptional results come from what you avoid.

Be quick to say no and slow to say yes.

Automattic Rules

Saying no is simple but not easy. That’s why so few people can consistently do it.

Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman taught me a simple trick to avoid saying yes when you really want to say no. Use a rule. In my book Clear Thinking, I elaborate on this (and other automatic rules for success):

Kahneman told me his favorite rule was never to say yes to a request on the phone. He knows that he wants people to like him, so he wants to say yes in the moment, but after filling up his schedule with things that didn’t make him happy, he decided to be more vigilant about what he agrees to do and why. When people ask him for things over the phone now, he says something along the lines of, “[I have a rule, that I never say yes on the phone.] I’ll have to get back to you after I think about it.” Not only does this give him time to think without the immediate social pressure, but it also allows a lot of these requests to just drop away because people choose not to follow up. He rarely gets back to any of these people and says yes.

If you rely on willpower or reasoning to say no, you’ve already lost. Eventually, everyone loses the battle with willpower. Rules work because they don’t require willpower.

The opportunity cost of your time should increase every year. Early on, say yes for experience. Later, be selective. Most people say yes to mediocre opportunities. Saying no to good opportunities creates time for great ones. As Steve Jobs said:

People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.

Saying no is like saving money; saying yes is spending it. Most of us are already on overdraft. Before saying yes, ask if it’s necessary.

Read Next

Next Post:Thomas Kuhn: The Structure of Scientific Revolutions “The decision to reject one paradigm is always simultaneously the decision to accept another, and the judgment leading to that …

Discover What You’re Missing

Get the weekly email full of actionable ideas and insights you can use at work and home.


As seen on:

New York Times logo
Wall Street Journal logo
The Economist logo
Financial Times logo
Farnam Street Logo

© 2025 Farnam Street Media Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Proudly powered by WordPress. Hosted by Pressable. See our Privacy Policy.

  • About
  • Sponsorship
  • Support
  • Speaking

We’re Syrus Partners.
We buy amazing businesses.


Farnam Street participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising commissions by linking to Amazon.