Tag: Liking-Loving Bias

Two Questions Everyone Asks Themselves When They Meet You

People everywhere differentiate each other by liking (warmth, trustworthiness) and by respecting (competence, efficiency).

Essentially they ask themselves: (1) Is this person warm? and (2) Is this person competent?

The “warmth dimension captures traits that are related to perceived intent, including friendliness, helpfulness, sincerity, trustworthiness and morality, whereas the competence dimension reflects traits that are related to perceived ability, including intelligence, skill, creativity and efficacy.”

“In sum, although both dimensions are fundamental to social perception, warmth judgments seem to be primary, which reflects the importance of assessing other people’s intentions before determining their ability to carry out those intentions.”

Like all perception, social perception reflects evolutionary pressures. In encounters with conspecifics, social animals must determine, immediately, whether the ‘other’ is friend or foe (i.e. intends good or ill) and, then, whether the ‘other’ has the ability to enact those intentions. New data confirm these two universal dimensions of social cognition: warmth and competence. Promoting survival, these dimensions provide fundamental social structural answers about competition and status. People perceived as warm and competent elicit uniformly positive emotions and behavior, whereas those perceived as lacking warmth and competence elicit uniform negativity. People classified as high on one dimension and low on the other elicit predictable, ambivalent affective and behavioral reactions. These universal dimensions explain both interpersonal and intergroup social cognition.

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The Insidious Evils of ‘Like’ Culture

Most people thought the Internet represented a liberation from conformity where ideas, freedom of information, creativity ruled. But what role does our need to belong play? What role does the simple “like” button play in social approval? The WSJ article below argues that “As a result,” of the like button, “we can now search not just for information, merchandise and kitten videos on the Internet, but for approval.

Just as stand-up comedians are trained to be funny by observing which of their lines and expressions are greeted with laughter, so too are our thoughts online molded to conform to popular opinion by these buttons. A status update that is met with no likes (or a clever tweet that isn’t retweeted) becomes the equivalent of a joke met with silence. It must be rethought and rewritten. And so we don’t show our true selves online, but a mask designed to conform to the opinions of those around us.

Conversely, when we’re looking at someone else’s content—whether a video or a news story—we are able to see first how many people liked it and, often, whether our friends liked it. And so we are encouraged not to form our own opinion but to look to others for cues on how to feel.

“Like” culture is antithetical to the concept of self-esteem, which a healthy individual should be developing from the inside out rather than from the outside in. Instead, we are shaped by our stats, which include not just “likes” but the number of comments generated in response to what we write and the number of friends or followers we have. I’ve seen rock stars agonize over the fact that another artist has far more Facebook “likes” and Twitter followers than they do.

Because it’s so easy to medicate our need for self-worth by pandering to win followers, “likes” and view counts, social media have become the métier of choice for many people who might otherwise channel that energy into books, music or art—or even into their own Web ventures.

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What trick can you learn from the most successful sales person ever?

If you look in the Guinness Book of World Records you’ll discover that a car salesman named Joe Girard is one of the most successful salespeople ever. Wait, a car salesman?

In fact, he has sold more “big ticket” items “one-at-a-time” than any other sales-person in any retail industry.

We can learn a lot from studying success.

So how does this guy, who sells one car at a time to everyday customers, go on to become one of the most successful sales people in history?

Girard offers a simple answer: “People want a fair deal from someone they like.”

When questioned about what he does to get people to like him, he says “I tell them that I like them.

While seemingly simple that answer is psychologically sound. We’re more likely to say ‘Yes’ to people that we like. One way to get people to like you is to flatter them; even if you’re lying.

I like you. 

Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions

enchantment-infographic

An interview with best-selling author Guy Kawasaki on his new book Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions.

Guy’s book is full of tips and tricks for how to convince people to join your cause, whether it’s a rock band or a software startup. Plus, any book where Robert Cialdini is quoted on the jacket as saying “Kawasaki provides insights so valuable we wish we’d had them first” is a must read in my opinion.

You write about four things that enchanting people do on a first impression. What are they?

The core of enchantment is that you have to be likable, trustworthy, and have a great product or service. Likeability starts from your physical appearance, that you have a smile and it called Duchenne smile that incorporates both your eyes and your mouth.

The second part of likeability in this initial impression is that your dress…you’re not dressed above the crowd, you’re not dressed below the crowd. You should dress for a tie – no pun intended – and then the next thing is your physical contact of a handshake, and I provide a mathematical formula for the perfect handshake, out of the University of Manchester.

Now, likeability in and of itself is not enough because many of us like celebrities and movie stars, right, but we don’t trust them. You don’t take, necessarily, life advice from Tom Cruise. So now you need to get trustworthiness, and there are some key points to trustworthiness; and I think the first thing is that if you want to be trusted you first have to trust.

It’ss not a chicken or egg thing, the onus is upon you to trust first, and a great example of that is Zappos—where Zappos basically says ‘we trust you.’ So if you don’t like the shoe we will even pay shipping it back to us, so there’s truly no risk. And if Zappos had had a different attitude of—‘well, we are a startup right now, if you don’t like the shoe, you’re going to have to send it back at your expense,’ it would not be the billion dollar success that it is.

People that you trust default to a yes or positive attitude. They’re looking for ways to help you as opposed to ways that you can help them. So the next time you go to a party, and you meet new people, you should always be thinking: how can I help this person, how can I help this person—as opposed to how can this person help me.

Still curious? Robert Cialdini is the author the most famous book on persuasion: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and he wishes he’d discovered the insights in Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions first!.

 

Evidence-based tips for Valentine’s

Need to woo a partner in time for Valentine’s? Follow these simple, evidence-based instructions for boosting your irresistibility.

When asking a lady for a dance or for her number, your chances will be improved by lightly touching her on the arm. Try not to do it in a creepy way.

Use mimicry, bodily and verbal. Use mimicry, bodily and verbal (see what I did there?)

If you’re male, try to make yourself look taller and vice versa for women.

Hire a sports car, if you’re a man, but don’t bother if you’re a woman. Both sexes should avoid Toyotas – that’s a joke, please don’t sue, they’re lovely cars. 

When flirting with a man, use direct, no-nonsense chat up lines rather than the subtle or witty approach. Men are very easily confused.

When wooing a woman, use chat-up lines that demonstrate your helpfulness, generosity, athleticism, ‘culture’ and wealth. Don’t bother with jokes, empty compliments and sexual references. This ought to do it – ‘Hey gorgeous, sorry I’m late: the opera over-ran, then I had to race to my neighbour’s to help carry her piano upstairs – the one I bought her as a moving-in present’.

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If all else fails, impress them by telling them you read Farnam Street.

Scientifically Proven Ways to Increase Tips in the Service Industry

Tipping is a $40 billion dollar industry in the United States. Yet from the traditional economic perspective, which sees us as rational agents operating in our own interest, tipping waiters, barbers, taxi drivers and other service workers is crazy.

Many food servers depend on tips to make their living. Understanding the variables that affect tipping behavior can make a huge difference on income. Of course, a lot of the variables that influence tipping behavior are outside the servers’s control. For example, customers tend to leave larger tips when the weather is pleasant, when there is desirable background music, and when the restaurant is elegant or in an urban area. Food quality has a large impact. Research also suggests that tipping behavior is affected by customers’ characteristics, including size of the dining party, amount of alcohol consumed, customers’ gender and ethnic background, and method of payment.

However, research also indicates that servers can control some variables that influence tipping behavior.

If you’re a food server try—and if you’re a customer watch out for—the following:

Have your restaurant prime the customer with examples of what a tip would be at 20%
This study examined the role of gratuity guidelines on tipping behavior in restaurants. When diners were finished with their meals, they were given checks that either did or did not include calculated examples informing them what various percentages of their bill would amount to. Results indicated that parties who received the gratuity examples left significantly higher tips than did those receiving no examples. These results and their implications are discussed.

Introduce yourself by name
…wait staff who introduced themselves by name received an average tip of $5.44, or 23 percent of the total bill, and those who used no name were tipped on average about $3.49, or 15 percent of the total bill.

Squat when you first get to the table
Walters should squat down next to the table upon their first trip to the station, Lynn recommended, based on his study at an unnamed casual Mexican restaurant in Houston. Those who squatted received an average tip that was 20 percent higher — $6.40 as compared with $5.18 — than those who stood on their initial visit to the station.

Smile
Servers should give their customers a large smile — with mouth open and teeth showing — while they work.

Approach The Table Often
Walt staff should visit their tables more often, Lynn suggested as another technique, based on a study conducted in the 1970s at a Chicago steak house. Those who approached their tables — just to check up on the customers and not to deliver anything — two times or more received average tips that were 15.6 percent of the total bill, while those who approached the table only to deliver something or take something away received tips that were on average 13.8 percent of the total bill.

Touch your customers
He recommend they touch them lightly on their shoulders when delivering the bill or when returning with change or a credit card. His study for the technique was conducted at a Bennigan’s in Houston. Those who touched their customers for an average of two to four seconds received an average tip of 18 percent, or $3.20, of the total bill, and those who didn’t received a 12-percent average tip, or $2.52.

Give your customers something extra, like a mint
Another controversial technique Lynn recommended is for wait staff to give their customers after-dinner mints, based on his study at a Philadelphia restaurant. Servers who left their customers mints received tips that were on average about 28 percent, or $5.98, of the total bill, and those who left no mints received average tips of 19 percent, or $4.64, of the total bill.

“The technique didn’t work at steak houses with a [per-person] check average over $30,” Lynn said. He added that leaving mints for customers at upscale restaurants seems to have no impact on tips. “But at casual restaurants, it does increase tips,” he insisted. “It works because customers got something free, so they want to repay their servers.”

Compliment your customers
The present study examined the role of ingratiation on tipping behavior in restau- rants. In the study, 2 female food servers waited on 94 couples eating dinner, and either complimented or did not compliment the couples on their dinner selections. Results indicated that food servers received significantly higher tips when complimenting their customers than when not complimenting them. These results and their implications are discussed.

Other ideas? Write “thank-you” or simply draw a smily-face on the bill (to create a likeable impression); Print a picture of someone smiling on the bill, or the American Flag (something most people would associate with happiness); Make paying by Visa the default; If you’re a guy give the bill to the woman and if you’re a woman give the bill a guy; and Tell customers the weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow (take away a subconscious worry).

If you’re interested in learning more about gratuity’s try reading Keep the Change: A Clueless Tipper’s Quest to Become the Guru of the Gratuity. The best book out there on working in a restaurant is Kitchen Confidential.

Sources
– Ingratiation and Gratuity: The Effect of Complimenting Customers on Tipping Behavior in Restaurants
– Tip gratuity scale in server’s favor with simple techniques
– http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/3/0/7/3/0/p307300_index.html